does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize