bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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