Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
