We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
