I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize