I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
