I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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