the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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