Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
