I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
