Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
