If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
