I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
