If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
