it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
