I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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