Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
