so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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