every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
