we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
