saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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