Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
