nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
