fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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