He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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