you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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