I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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