I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
