I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
