Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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