omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
