she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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