So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
