i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
