So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
