She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
