I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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