your room smells of hookers.
And success
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
