All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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