life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
