haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
