Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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