It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
