I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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