Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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