A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
