i permit you to call me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
