Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
