Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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