he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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