Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So much rum. So many feels.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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