Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
