Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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