like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
