i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
