Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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