the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
