Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
