i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
