i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
