EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
