ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
