If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
