I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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