Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party

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(903): View more from Texas

Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin

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(503): View more from Oregon

since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.

(330): View more from Ohio

Dude what the fuck...

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?

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(407): View more from Florida

Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?

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