my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
