its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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