What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
